How do you do it? What a question!

Jimmie is moderately to severely "developmentally delayed."  That is a really stupid term.  He is not delayed.  He will not catch up.  He has challenges.  He won't overcome them.  He is a 1 year old in a 4 1/2 year old body.  There is some good news.  His teacher sent home a note the other day saying at times he acted like a 2 year old during the day.  He is developing, but he will never be on curve with his peers.  That's okay.  Jimmie is Jimmie.  He's wonderful.  He's the most loving child in the world.  He knows how to hug you and melt your soul.  His smile lights up the entire world.

The thing is, people will ask about Jimmie, about how he's doing, and when we tell them, we get two main reactions.  One is the conversation ends.  I can handle that one.  What is there to say, really?  It is a reaction that makes sense.  There is nothing you can say to alleviate our burden in knowing our child will forever remain a child.  You can't take away the sting of other words, the one I refuse to use above, even though it is by far the best word to describe the situation, because of the stigma it has and the hurt it causes when it is misused!  You can't do anything or say anything to make any of this better.  Ending the conversation is good.  You asked.  We know you care.

The other reaction is to admire us.  The person shakes their head, and says solemnly, "How do you do it?  I couldn't do it."  Well first, that's bull.  We are not special.  We are not stronger or more loving than you are.  Second, you just do it.  You live the life God gives you.  Period.  And to tell me that I am special somehow, well that just makes me feel worse.  That just makes his differences sound like they are way worse than they are.  Seriously...Think about what you are saying.  "How do you 'do it'?".  "Do it" means love this amazing, wonderful child enough to care for him despite his "challenges."    By juxtaposition, you are implying he is unworthy of our love and care.  And boy is that ever wrong.

Now don't get me wrong.  I know that you don't mean that when you ask me how I do it.  I know you mean to pay me a compliment.  And I do accept it as such.  I am grateful for your attempt to comfort me.  Really I am.  But honestly, I know the truth.  I am not special.  I am not stronger.  I do it because I have to.  And so would you if you were in my position.  And loving a child is never really all that hard.  It doesn't take that much effort.  He's lovable. 

Now that is not to say that there aren't bad people out there who couldn't or wouldn't do it.  I know that.  But they aren't the majority.  They certainly aren't the good, kind people I know and associate with.  The people who I call friends...my friends, you could do what I do.