Loving in a Modern Family

I never expected to be quite so traditional.  I never expected that when and if I ever fell in love that I would submit to a man.  I was my own person.  I was smarter than that.  And here I am, a stay-at-home-mom, raising two kids, asking my husband before making big decisions.  It's not that I don't trust my own judgement.  I know what I want to do before I ask, but I do submit to his judgement, because now I realize, even though I am my own person, my decisions affect him too.

We attended a marriage conference this weekend at the baptist church.  And the speaker offered a perspective on Paul's assertions that explained why I am so happy to submit that really helped me understand myself and my husband a little more clearly.  Paul tells us that husbands should love their wives and wives should respect and submit to their husbands.   Now to the casual observer that certainly seems sexist.  Why should the wife submit while the husband is only to love?   Shouldn't it be equal?  Well in truth, it is equal.  Men (and therefore husbands) find it very difficult to express love.  It's hard for them.  But it is what woman (and therefore wives) want the most from their men.  Women (and therefore wives) find it very difficult to submit to and respect their men.  But that is exactly what men want to have to feel loved.  So what may seem like a sexist statement to begin with is in fact nothing more than a loving give and take that provides each partner with exactly what they desire to feel loved and cherished.

Why did I fall so easily into this very traditional role of wife?  It's really very simple.  I fell in love.  And I want to honor that man, and I want him to feel loved and cherished.  And it became very obvious to me that he was a very traditional man and that simply asking for his input before I made a decision made him happy.  When you love, you want to make the person you love happy.  So I ask his input.  I may know exactly what I want to do.  But I love him, so I ask him.  And guess what?  Usually he wants to do the same thing I do.  And when he doesn't, I am flexible enough to give him his way, if only to prove I was right to begin with.  And as much as I hate to admit it, his way usually works out just fine.  Darn it.

And as for him, does he express his love for me?  Well the man sat on the couch for 2 hours rubbing my feet the other night.  I felt loved.  He never made a move other than to caress my feet.  He had no ulterior motives.  My feet hurt.  I had a charlie horse in my arch.  He just wanted to make me feel better.  It was heavenly by the way.  And it served far more than relieving the charlie horse.  It soothed my soul.  He also went to the conference with me.  You can believe it was not his idea.  He had no desire to go.  It was for me.

So is this very traditional marriage somehow outdated?  I don't know.  Maybe.  But we've been married now for 8 years.  And we both still feel loved and cherished and trust our partner more than any other human being.  We are still each other's best friend.  I think we are modern enough.